oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
