But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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