I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So much rum. So many feels.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
