so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
