i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
