In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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