Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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