Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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