my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
