I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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