I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My vagina just clenched in fear
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
