well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i love accidental penises.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
