Barsexuality is the new black.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
