matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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