i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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