Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
