ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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