Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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