just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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