sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
