1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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