what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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