It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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