Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
