i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
