Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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