i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
