Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Oh god it's open bar.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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