He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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