I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
