Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
