6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
