from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
