i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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