He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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