I wanna passion pit in your ass
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i've created a new STD.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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