He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
