I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
