weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
