So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
