If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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