dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
