I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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