I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
