Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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