I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
