Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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