There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
