Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
