dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
