I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
