We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
