Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
