I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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