This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
