It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
