So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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