dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
