I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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