wat bout pragnant strippers??
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
not ubering you a puppy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
