He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Randomize
