I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
