it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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