Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
