like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
