I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
