I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
