Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
